Like I said in my last post, I am proudly from Orange County. In OC we have a magazine called the OC weekly with different restaurant reviews, concerts, articles etc. One of the best parts of the OC weekly is Gustavo Arellano’s section aptly named Ask a Mexican. Here is a picture of him and the book he subsequently wrote due to the fame of his articles.

A recent question a reader asked was this:

DEAR MEXICAN: As a college-educated Mexican-American, I’ve had my fair share of Chicanas in college . . . all of which my jefita considered putas with books. But now that I’ve graduated, I’m going out with a gabacha for the first time. She’s nice, bilingual, tall, skinny, educated and a liberal with liberal gabacho parents who accept my brownness. I finally found a woman who doesn’t want to control me a su manera or hacerme pendejo, and my jefita is STILL against it. How can I get my jefa to accept my lil’ snow bunny?

This one caught my eye because I too have experienced my mom disliking my “gabacho” boyfriend. His name is Justin and we’ve been dating for a little over a year now. When i first told my mom about him and how he was 4 years older than myself she immediately rejected him. “Ok, you can do whatever you want, but I don’t really care to meet him”. These were some of the first words my mother ever said about him; real encouraging. So I dated him anyway, though I felt as though I was always betraying my mother or going against her wishes. While I studied abroad the fall of last semester, Justin really made an effort to get to know my family. He invited my mother and brother on a lunch date so that they could get to know each other a little better. My mom eventually warmed up, but still just didn’t like something about him.

To give you some background, my mother runs stuff. You, know how there are those men who are outspoken, get mad when dinner isn’t on the table, and just are overall in control? Yeah, well that’s kind of what my mom is like. She doesn’t take lip from anyone especially men. My grandmother was also very strong willed and outspoken, however, my grandfather still controlled the house and his woman; my mother vowed to be different. Justin is a good guy. Religious and deeply convicted he’ll also tell you what’s on his mind, what he thinks is right and wrong. Like my mother, he won’t back down from a discussion until he’s said his peace.

So suffice it to say, they butt heads a lot. What is also very interesting that I have noticed is the cultural differences that end up being points of confusion for both of them. Mexican culture is so rich with rules and regulations about how to act that sometimes its difficult for you to be yourself. For example, one night Justin and I stayed up late with some friends. The next morning my mom was due over for a visit. Justin was out of it; tired and a little hungover from the night before. As I hurried around making sure everything looked just right for my mother, he rested which i had no problem with. So my mom gets there, sees him on the couch and says hi. He doesn’t get up to say hello and offer the hug and all that she expected. He explains later that he is very tired and sorry that he isn’t his animated self. Later when it’s just me and my mom in the car she tells me she doesn’t like him. That it was rude of him not to get up and greet her and that she doesn’t want to see him anymore. “He’s your boyfriend, just don’t bring him around me”. Gee, awesome, mom. I explained the situation to Justin who didn’t understand her problem. Was it just some cultural mix-up or was he really being rude? He apologized anyway, though he still didn’t understand. She accepted his apology (over facebook), but has held a grudge ever since and refuses to have him around. Problemas, problemas.