Fact : I have never been to a wedding. My family is one of unplanned pregnancies, shotgun marriages, affairs, and divorces, and there is absolutely no room for weddings in the midst of all of that. This has had an interesting effect on my life, because now I am able to talk about an obsession I have with weddings.
          My parents never got married. My stepfather has played an active role in my life for the past seventeen years, but he and my mother are not married. It’s funny, though, because when my mom is having a conversation with someone she knows she will never speak to again, she will refer to him as her husband the same way I will refer to him as my father when in the same situation. Strangers don’t question it, and it’s by far too complicated to explain anyway. My sister-in-law was only in eleventh grade when she found out she was pregnant. My nephew was almost a year old when she and my brother decided to get married, but they went to go file the paperwork at the nearest courthouse without telling anybody. It’s not like they meant for it to be a secret; it was just one of those things that happened out of the blue.
          When I was in twelfth grade, we received an invitation to a distant cousin’s wedding. I was so excited because I would finally have the opportunity to go to a wedding! I thought it was weird, though, because her dating patterns were always so strange. She started dating a classmate when she was sixteen years old and they were together for about six years before calling it quits. A year later she dated one of her college roommate’s brothers, and they were together for about three years before they called it quits too. She then started dating a photographer – I have no idea how she met him, but he was a really awesome guy and we were all hoping he would be the one. She insisted he become Catholic so that they could get married through the church – at her parents request of course – but he didn’t like that so they broke up after three years. She made it to thirty as a single woman – an old maid in the eyes of the older family members. She started working as a teacher in an elementary school, and she began dating one of the other teachers at the school. It only took about six months before they were engaged – weird, right? They had an intimate ceremony along the shoreline of Huntington Beach – beautiful. I was very happy to see someone in our family finally do things the right way, but then their first daughter was born five months later – hmm, that explains why it wasn’t a Catholic wedding…
          Here’s a scary realization: I am the oldest non-parent in my family, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that. I am twenty years old. When my mom was twenty, she had a two year old in her arms; and when that two year old turned twenty, he had a one year old of his own to look after. My family’s standards indicate that I am well passed my prime, an old maid to say the least. I guess that means it’s my turn, right? I have already expressed that I want to do things the right way: I want to fall in love, and marry the man I fall in love with at a planned wedding ceremony. I am obsessed with weddings. I often dream of what my wedding dress will look like, and sometimes I even walk into dress shops for some design inspiration. I usually pick up magazines published exclusively for brides-to-be, and I have a Pinterest board dedicated to all of the ideas I have for my own wedding. I listen to songs and think to myself, “This would perfect for a first dance!” I am obsessed.
          I fear for the boy who makes the mistake of taking interest in me – I can only imagine myself coming up with the outfits that will look good on us for an engagement session, all while on a first date or something. I fear for the day that I bring him home to my family, because they are going to judge him by the same standards they would judge a potential in-law. I think that’s the problem with Chicano and Latino families – We have so many expectations for young women, expectations that often pressure them to make rash decisions. I wonder what motivated my mom to move out with her then-boyfriend and start a family. I wonder why my aunt and uncle – who were married well before they had kids – tied the knot after just a few months of knowing each other. Would a marriage be even more prosperous if it happened on the sole basis of love? Would families be stronger if the husband and wife were more critical of the decisions they were making?