Picture Me Rollin‘ by Black Artemis
Reading assignment for Monday, November 19. Your reply (under Comments) is due before class.
Be sure to check and make sure your response posts.
Discuss Espe and Picture Me Rollin’ as compared to earlier coming-of-age stories. How does she compare to Esperanza from House on Mango Street? To Alice Bag from Violence Girl? To other texts from the course?
How does Black Artemis’s Picture Me Rollin’ depict coming-of-age? Who and what is she struggling against?
I found a connection to violence in Violence Girl and Picture me Rollin. We all remember the outburst Alice had with her neighbor and we read of the outburst Esperanza’s sister, Dulce, had with the girl in the bridge. All three women were raised in an environment where their reactions fit society. Alice witness violence in her home, but also on the streets.
Esperanza’s mother was serving time in prison for defending herself from her lover; she killed him. Esperanza served time in prison for a man who she thought loved her. This idea of love and putting up with inappropriate behavior is very common in relationships. We read this in What Night Brings, Las Hijas de Juan and Violence Girl. When Esperanza finally realized that Jesus was not interested in her well being, was a coming of age moment. Her not becoming violent with Priscilla at the meeting regarding the last “job” they were planning was admirable. Esperanza knew that Priscilla was just another girl who Jesus is using for his advantage.
I see “Picture Me Rollin” as a coming of age story in the way that Esperanza learns to love herself and to fight for the life she deserves by standing up for herself. She is a complicated girl, with many insecurities and fears, and I don’t blame because the environment and people she grew up with were very discouraging and oppressive. But her coming of age moment comes when she listens to the tape Maite sent her along with her book, and decides to escape after the final drug deal. The poem that ends with, “I am a warrior, I am a queen, I own my own destiny, I own my own dream,” gave Espe the final push of courage to stand up and fight for her own life. Up until then, she allowed men- especially Jesus – to dictate what she did, and she let her set-backs and obstacles in life get her down too easily. The poem represents the self-empowering encouragement and true LOVE that the brave women in Espe’s life provided for her; Maite, but also Dulce, their mother, and Isoke. The support and wisdom she gained from these women gave her the strength to cut Jesus (and the lifestyle and culture he represented) out of her life. She had to make a drastic move to assert her own independence and worth, but in a culture where women are so consistently pushed down and ordered around, the only way a woman CAN break free is through grand gestures that upset the balance of power between genders.
Picture me rollin differs from the other stories we have read in that Esperanza finally stands up for herself and accept the truth about her “love.” The mothers and wives in the other book were all blind to the abuse that men had given them. They accepted it and refused to see their relationships for what they truly were. I think one of Esperanza’s coming of age moments was when she shot No-NO, Jesus, and Xavier. “Before he could lunge for her, she sprang on him. For herself, for her sister, for every woman he had ever abused, Esperanza pounded on him.” (296) In particular, Shooting Jesus required the most willpower and change for her. “If Jesus loves me, he’ll let me go. But he doesn’t love me. He’s not going to let me go.” (293) “but Finally Esperanza learned that love and abuse could not coexist.” (294)
Artemis Black uses Esperanza’s character to depict the coming of age of many women of color who feel trapped in poverty and abusive situations. At the beginning of the story Esperanza has just been released from prison. To her sister, Dulce’s, dismay she decides to attend a coming home party being thrown by her semi-ex boyfriend, Jesus. He is the reason she was in prison in the first place. Having been caught with a gun while trying to carry out a robbery for Jesus, Esperanza was locked up for a year. There is where she met Isoke who throughout the story empowers Espe and helps her to realize that “the fight” is something bigger than the petty arguments she has with rivals or other people from the neighborhood. “The fight” is rather for the greater good of the community. Priscilla is a constant nag to Esperanza all through the book. She can’t stand this “chicken head” who is desperately trying to steal her man, but by the end of the novel she realizes the fight was not with Priscilla; her anger was misguided. The real problem was that Espe was, as the song suggests, looking for love in all the wrong places. She masks her real intentions by saying that she wants her money, she wants to see her mom, etc.. Her real intentions being that she wants Jesus to quit the game for her. Lying to herself, she was unable to love herself. At the end of the story, Espe finally realizes that Jesus would never love her. His love for money and greed far surpassed his love for her as was depicted in the scene where No-No gets a little to friendly without any complaint from Jesus. Though she had once hated Priscilla and disrespected her just as much as Jesus and the other guys, Esperanza realizes that they are one in the same: in love with a man who doesn’t love them. After having explored the literature from Isoke and Maite she understands that women need to stand up for one another. They are an oppressed group who often times lead themselves to their own demise for what they believe to be love. Love is not abuse. The narrator admits at the end that Espe had not fully grown to understand how to love and be honest with herself, but that she was getting on the right track. Her coming of age presents itself in many moments and concludes with her learning perhaps the greatest lesson of her life.
Like Esperanza in House on Mango Street, Espe has to build a sense of community in her mind. In the beginning she is like Tupac. She’s all about the thug life and being down for her crew, but for what? To continue the cycle of violence, manipulation and control men have over her. She is so used to this lifestyle that at first it is difficult for her to give it up. Love has looked like abuse to her throughout her life. As the story continues and she interacts more with strong women like Dulce, Isoke, and Maite she begins to reshape her ideas. She had it with men disrespecting women who submitted themselves to “love”. Though she gave into the violence at the end, I think that Espe realized that the fight could not be won by playing the game she had been playing with Jesus for so long. She was never going to gain his respect by being down for him. Respecting herself meant loving herself which unfortunately ended in her shooting Jesus.