Many people dream of that perfect relationship. They can vividly picture and feel the joy and bliss of loving and being loved, but many people’s dreams are shattered. Many relationships just turn out to be the complete opposite, but does one face the truth? When one wants that loving fairytale relationship so bad, they refuse to accept the truth. For many people, accepting the truth, means being alone, accepting failure, and accepting that your relationship is a lie. Many just cannot bear with the idea and would rather lie to themselves than face reality.
Part of my coming of age is that I experienced the very challenging end of six and a half years of a relationship. She was my high school sweetheart. We got together as freshmen and were together for some of college. She was my best friend, my other half and to be honest I really saw her as my wife. I had also grown extremely close to her family and they became my family.
She ended up going on a two-week class in the summer in Mexico and I was waiting at her house on the day she would come back. When she arrived I just felt something was wrong. Later that night I asked her if anything happened on her trip. After persisting a bit because I truly felt something, she admitted that she cheated on me on the trip. At that moment I was very torn apart. My entire image of my beautiful wonderful relationship was being threatened. Something like this should be impossible. I was struggling in my head on what I should do because a very small portion of me was aware of the fact but the majority of my being wanted and needed her. As I was struggling to make a decision she would look in my eyes telling me that she loved me and that it was a mistake. She wanted me to forgive her. I wanted to forgive her. No one is perfect, right? We all make mistakes. How could I hold that against her and throw away close to six and a half years?
A very small and weak voice of logic in my head would tell me, “anyone that would cheat on you does not love you. She could not care enough about you or your relationship if she would do that.” There was also a LOUDER and STRONGER voice and feeling that was saying, “ She made a mistake. She loves you. You have such beautiful relationship. What about all those great memories? What about all those plans for the future?” Then I also thought of my mom and her mistakes. How she let someone walk all over her. I swore in my mind that I would never let someone disrespect me like that. I refuse to suffer the same fate as my mom.
Even though only 2% of me wanted to end it, I did. It hurt more than anything in my life because I had lost my best friend and what felt like the other half of my soul. It was tough…
She ended up dating that guy she made the mistake with for a while but he ended up not wanting to be with her. She kept trying to suck me back in after that but thank God I did not fall for it. This really makes me feel for all those women who struggle to leave abusive relationships because even though I was not physically abused by my partner, I know how hard it is to leave someone that you have been with for a long time. The logic is almost non-existent and it doesn’t make it any easier when your partner continues to tell you that they love you, but I learned that words mean nothing and actions are everything. Now, I am with the most wonderful, smart, kind, amazing, loving, and respectful woman in the whole world.
Photo from Advanced Life Skills Website: <http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/10-timeless-guidelines-for-a-happy-relationship/>
We often hear stories of men and women who find themselves in abusive relationships. They are being hurt – whether it’s verbal or physical or whether it’s emotionally damaging, mentally damaging, or physically damaging, it’s all abuse. We often wonder about the people who let themselves undergo such abuse – why do they let themselves be treated that way? where is their dignity? – but the rules of the game completely shift when WE are the ones facing the same situation. I have faced the same situation as you, Joseph; I have found myself in a physically abusive relationship as well. It was then that I was better able to understand why some people are willing to stay in abusive relationships – they’re good people who believe in the power of forgiveness, who have hope and faith. That takes strength, but being able to pull yourself out of that kind of situation requires even more strength. I’m glad you were able to walk the path you chose, especially if it’s the one that is making you happy – and it seems like it is (:
Wow. The fact that you had the strength to listen to that 2% of yourself that knew the right thing to do is so impressive. Many of us have been in similar situations, and definitely many of the people and characters that we have read about this semester, and not been able to listen to reason and know when to leave. Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m so happy you found the relationship you deserve.