My mom got a boyfriend after my parents divorced. He seemed nice at first but as we all got to know him better the truth came out. I was about six years old when this happened. He turned out to be an alcoholic and would constantly yell and cuss at my mother, brother and I. He never hit my brother and I but he would threaten to hurt us and kill us. He would bring his other drunk and drug addict friends and hang out in front of our house every day. His daily routine would be sitting on the porch and drinking beer all day and listening to Nirvana with his friends. It was the same songs all day every day. He had an occasional job here and there but that did not last long. He would mostly just hang out all day and do nothing. He would rarely ever help my mom out with anything in the house unless she bribed him with a beer.
He would also constantly tell my mom that she would be nothing without him and that she needed him. I don’t think he ever seriously hurt my mother physically but I do recall a few times that he shoved or pushed her. Eventually my mother broke up with him and I was thrilled, but shortly after she begged him to come back. He came back to live with us again. He would constantly be telling his friends and everyone else that lived on my street that my mom was a whore and a “puta.” He was always convinced that my mom was cheating on him and sleeping with everyone, which was not further from the truth.
My mom would work long hours and then spend all her free time at home taking care of my brother and I. She broke up with him eventually but she felt so sorry for him that she let him live in the shack in our backyard. Even though they weren’t together anymore we all still had to deal with the same shit. My mother could never have any male friends come to the house even after they were not together anymore because he still lived with us. He would always tell her that she better not be bringing any “vatos” to the house or he would blast them. It would not matter if it was just a friend or someone selling things, he would always get worked up. Even when my father came to visit us or takes us for the weekend he would try to argue with him, but he would mostly talk shit to his friends about my dad or to my mom because my dad was a lot bigger than him. As the years went on he became sicker got more into drugs and was really not all there. He would be shouting daily to himself that my mom was a “fucking whore.” He would repeat this like a mantra again and again daily. “fucking whore,” “fucking whore,” “fucking whore,” “fucking whore!” I don’t know why mom put up with this, all I know is it did not help with her self-esteem to be hearing this everyday.
(photo by online pharmacies canada: http://www.onlinepharmaciescanada.com/ailments/alcoholism.aspx)
I know it takes a lot of trust to open up about this kind of thing, and I do appreciate the trust you must have in us to be willing to share your experience. Reading the three stories of violence has already been a chilling experience, but reading the narrative from someone I come in contact with on such a regular basis is definitely eye-opening. I hope your mother finds herself in better circumstances
Quite an amazing story. This is very much true for many families. This is a true coming to age story and what I would like to know is, how did this experience make you feel? Did you set any goals for yourself as a child when growing up?
Thank you for the story.
At the time it upset me a lot. I could not understand why mom my would not get rid of him. Eventually i realized there was no use with my mother. As a child a set many goals. one was to be the opposite of my mom’s boyfriend. Another goal was i wanted to take care of my mom so she would never fell like she needed a man around.
As a grown man, do you still feel the same way or have you allowed your mom to venture out? Or do you feel like that little boy every time you feel that she will get close to a man?
I would never hold restrictions on my mom. She is an adult and has to make her own decisions. I just of course will always let her now how i feel about who she is dating if i believe they are not good for her. By good, i just mean a decent human being. Some things and people are just wrong.