I titled my family collage “La vida es un carnaval”, Celia Cruz’s song resonates with me in particular because for a long time I was depressed. Now that I am better, I say “La vida es un carnaval” because I appreciate my family now. Although being with my family is not always easy it is definitely a privilege. In my collage I referenced two important aspects, my nuclear family and extended family. In my nuclear family the gender roles are not so closely observed. In my extended family, there is a definite line drawn between a man and a woman. I will attempt to explain how these interpretations of gender roles change through the different generations in my family and how as a cohesive group, my family both nuclear and extended have placed family, above all else as their priority. I will be referencing the pictures in my collage beginning with the top left picture as first, the top right as second, the bottom left and third, and the bottom right as fourth.
In the first picture I have both of my sons, David on the left and Daniel on the right. This picture represents the notion that gender norms are learned in the household, namely the mother reproduces gender norms for her children to imitate. I included the picture because in the article titled “Chicana/o Family Structure and Gender Personality: Chodorow, Familism and Psychoanalytic Sociology Revisited” authors Segura and Pierce point out that “mothering happens in a social context” and that “factors of race, class culture, or history enter either into a label (conscious or unconscious) identity, or they shape the particular early object-relational and family patterns”. As a mother, I know that I teach my children gender norms. I teach them about my culture, depending on the social political world that surrounds me, and my perspective influences their conceptualizations of family and the outside world. In particular, my partner and I try to be open minded on how children learn, have a right to express themselves, and may develop interests outside of what gender norms dictate for them. The hope is that in the future our children will live less gendered lives and grow to be caring, assertive, pragmatic individuals. Above all we push the idea that family is of utmost priority, having a family is a privilege, and family takes priority.
The second picture from left to right is of my mother-in-law, my partner, and I. This picture represents the multigenerational aspect of my family as well as the extended family. In the article “Chicana/o Family Structure and Gender Personality: Chodorow, Familism, and Psychoanalytic Sociology Revisited” we learn that “familism is observable in four ways: by macrocharacteristics such as large family size (demographic familism); by the presence of multigenerational households or extended households (structural familism); by the high value placed on family unity and solidarity (normative familism); and by the high level of interaction between family and kin networks”. My family is large and values unity, we always make to time to get together and reconnect. Every get together includes everyone in the family. I chose this picture because I rarely had family get togethers until I met my partner. My mother did not, for reasons that were not entirely her fault, often spend time with her brothers and sisters, so I grew up with no strong connections to my extended family. Now I am older, and have honor of being accepted in my partner’s family. I chose a picture that included my mother-in-law because I cannot appreciate her love and support enough. Although she does not consider herself a feminist, she has definitely pushed me to resist norms that are often considered inherently Chicano. Not once did my mother-in-law push me to abandoned school to focus on motherhood. She has helped me get through my daily challenges as a woman. I have not forgotten the family I was born either, I visit my parents an average of five times a week to get the kind of love and support that you only get from family. My mother pushes me to succeed every day, does not impose the harsh social expectations that surround motherhood, is caring, compassionate and understanding. She reminds me constantly to be satisfied with doing the best I could regardless of whether or not that meets the expectations of others. Although I am happy to be part of a new family, and happy about being closer to the family I was born into it has not been easy to accept that my children have multiple mothering figures.
The ideal has been set as the nuclear family, something which I cannot afford, I rely on extended family to step in and help raise my children. Everyone in the third picture has been a parental figure to my children. Each teaching my children a little bit about gender norms. If you look at the four young men in the picture, they have taught my children that there is no set way to be a man. Each one of them have very different things to teach my children about what it means to be an adult in terms of sexuality, relationships, work, and education. Likewise the four different women in the picture have been parental figures for my children, each demonstrating that there is no one way to be a woman. Each has taken different routes in life demonstrating that we are all human and not everyone follows a straight path showing that the important thing is that pull yourself together for the next hurdle.
The last picture is that of my children, and partner. This picture reminds me that life is about striving to improve, not perfection. In this picture you see the family sprawled out in the living room playing video games. These moments teach my children that there is no mold to fit, you find what works for you and make the most with what you’ve got. I hope my children grow up with less hang ups about being ideal. I hope my children live a more liberal expression of gender roles and never undermine the progress that is made every generation. Family life is hard work but it breeds the most rewards, family makes la vida un carnaval!daniel-david