For this project, I really wanted to explore the first generation college experience through a gothic lens. At first I did consider doing further extensive research on other narratives from other students and finding the uncanny and the abject in their experiences. However, as I started reflecting on my own experiences I realized that in a matter of only two years, I was already able to pin-point these feelings of distance, the uncanniness of coming from different backgrounds in comparison to the majority of my peers, the confusion in trying to figure out my financial issues. Thus, I decided to change it from just research-based to a creative piece.

Deciding the parts that I wanted to use was the most difficult part—especially in how I wanted to present it. The first installment, while presented as a diary entry, was more to set the stage of confusion. I feel as though it bridges the unfolding of events while also showing my present situation.

The second installment sounds more like a reflective essay. While I did try to avoid this at first, I found that this is the way the piece wanted to present itself. Since the culture boundary is one that has had me really explore my identity both here on campus but also on the individual level. However, its not just the cultural difference that I found myself reflecting on but the actual presence of my major. In a way, your major defines a part of who you are as an undergrad. At least, that’s how I see it for myself: I am an English major who values literature and the art of storytelling with the dream of being a writer. It has been a part of my identity for as long as I can remember. However, just because I recognize does not mean everyone does. Thus, came about the portion of my parents and the struggle it is to bridge the gap between the traditional Mexican ways and the societal norm of an education here in the United States.

The last installment details certain dates that occurred during my leave of absence. These chosen dates and the pieces accompanying it are actual diary entries that I found in one of my journals. In just copying what I wrote for those days as opposed to rewriting and trying to imitate, I find the feelings to be much more predominant and raw. The poem written for “March 25” was a poem I had written in response to my mother’s efforts to convince me not to transfer to a school in New York. Even now, it stands as an argument as to why it would be okay for me to move to New York after graduation.

In presenting these installments in non-chronological order, the gothic element of disorder is added which also reflects the experience I had as the financial issues that lead to my leave occurred. Further, each individual piece has its own central gothic element. The Chicana experience shows in the fact that I am Chicana. These are my experiences; my identity finds its way to shine on through.